Fighting Through

Why do people fall? I'm not talking literally. I'm talking about people who fall in life. We all stumble. That's a given. Things happen that rock our world and leave us wounded. But I'm talking about those who "fall." It's like after a given event, they just die; if not physically, then mentally. 


I've watched some people get up from some sickening blows in the last year of my life. They have helped to teach me the true meaning behind Proverbs 3:5-6, which says: "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight."


I've learned that I can't lean on my own understanding. I can't do this on my own. I have to submit "in all my ways" to God. When I take God's words to heart, and submit to Him and His Word, he teaches me how to fight back. He will do the same for you.

Love and Marriage

          Alright, before I get started there are some things I need to say to lay the framework of where I'm headed in this. The first is that there is a parallel between the relationship between a husband and a wife, and the relationship of Christ and his bride, and also, Christ and God the Father. The second is that love is more than a mere emotion or feeling. Love exists through the good, the bad, and the ugly. Feelings do accompany love, but they can't determine it and they will not sustain it. Love means staying with a person even when you don't have the lovey-dovey emotions and you would rather call it quits. Those two things being said, let's get going.

          I remember a Sunday afternoon about a year ago. I had gone to church alone because my family was sick and, knowing that there wouldn't be anything for lunch, I stopped at Whataburger (or however you spell it) to eat. I had gotten there before the usual "Sunday rush" that hits all food joints, so I sat alone with my thoughts and munched. Needless to say it was a good afternoon... until... a family of seven, dressed in their Sunday best walked in the door. The kids immediately went to tearing the place down and climbing the walls. The mother tried to keep them in check but it wasn't working so she gave up. The man was already out of his coat and loosening his tie. 

          Okay... pretty fair picture so far, right? We've all seen this at some point in our lives. Nothing really wrong so far except the kids, right? The thing is... it wasn't the kids that had my attention. It was this man's demeanor and the way he treated his wife. He didn't ask what she wanted to eat and then order it and he didn't even try to control the kids. He told her what he wanted and went to sit down. As he went the kids followed him. My back was facing them so I turned around in order to watch this (I was already fuming almost to the point of violence). It was then as the woman started coming back to the table with all of their drinks that I noticed her face for the first time. She had the look of someone who was miserable in life. With a husband like that, I can see why.

          She sat and at about that time the little buzzer thing went off. The man didn't quickly rise and take the buzzer to go get his family's food. He didn't rise at all. She got up and carried two loaded trays back to the table. I was so disgusted at this point that I had stopped eating and was just watching. She distributed the food while he grabbed his and dug in. He picked at it, showed his wife something in the chicken with a disgusted face, and slid it back. I had to leave or I was going to kill him... So I took my trash to the can and turned around to say something to him. I caught myself. I wasn't going to cause this woman any more pain. I left and ever-since that day, that memory has been planted in my head. Every time I think about it I get mad. Religious extremism will always target women. Always... If you want to find an extremist, look at the way he treats his wife and his daughters.

          So. I want to dive into one of the most debated pieces of scripture in history. Ephesians 5:22. It says: "Wives submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord."

          What is this scripture not saying? It is not saying that wives must submit to their husbands because they are inferior in any way. It is not saying that wives are less than their husbands. Also... while I'm here... Nowhere in scripture does it ever say that a husband is to force his wife into submission.

          The thing is that many philosopher's and teachers of that day gave household codes just like the one Paul gives here. Most always pointed to the women as being weaker and only addressed the husband. Paul doesn't take that route at all. As a matter of fact, he has the respect and honor to, not only address the ladies directly, but address them first. 

          Nowhere in scripture does it point to women being any less than a man. The word "submission" here means "to place oneself under."

          Jesus submitted. He submitted to the Father's will by dying on the cross for you and me. 

Let me ask you a series of questions to help you understand all of this and then I'll wrap it up.

Who is more valuable? God the Father or God the Son?

Who's smarter? God the Father or God the Son?

Who's more righteous? God the Father or God the Son?

Who's more Holy? God the Father or God the Son?

Jesus and the Father are totally equal in every way. The same goes for men and women. They are both totally equal, yet just as Christ chose to submit to the will of the Father, Jesus is calling on wives to submit to there husbands. Jesus is not calling wives to do anything he himself hasn't already done, as shown by 1st Corinthians 11:3. 

Now... for the second part of this... 

          Ephesians 5:25 says: "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." By "giving yourself up" it means that you must be ready to die for her. Now, most guys would say "yeah... I would die for her in a heartbeat." I don't doubt them. But I question their full understanding of what this verse means. It does mean to die literally, but it also means to die daily... It means giving up your own wants and wishes for her. 

          In the same way that Jesus didn't call on wives to do anything he himself hasn't already done, he isn't calling on husbands to do anything he himself hasn't already done either.

          We remember Jesus in the Garden. What did he do there? He died to his own self will for his bride, the church. And then he died literally for her. You have to understand guys... If you don't die for her in the little things, like giving up  a few nights out with the guys, or football games, or giving up a day in the woods to surprise her by cleaning the house and setting up a date, then you won't die for her when the crap hits the fan. 

          Men, you are the leader in your home. Jesus set a new standard for leaders when He washed His servants feet. You are called to carry on that form of leadership. 

          I heard my mentor say one time that marriage is about constantly outserving your spouse. Serve each other and treat each other as equals.

          I know I spent a while on the first part of this but it ticks me off when men make their wives feel like crap. It ticks me off when they don't treat them right. I hope this was as interesting to some of you as it has been to me. I'll talk to y'all later. Be good.

D.L.